the weird ones

the weird ones

check out the weirdest cards we've made over the years.
specially selected with our flimsy rubber hands.

Sort:

greedy hamster

outside text:
i'm so sorry i forgot about your birthday. my greedy hamster put me on such a strict diet, i can't seem to think straight lately.

inside text:
happy birthday

greedy hamster.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

eat my scalp

outside text:
you're such a good friend i could never forget your birthday. but if i did i'd eat my scalp.

inside text:
happy birthday

eat my scalp.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

tastes like skin

outside text:
i'm sure people wouldn't eat birthday cakes if birthday cakes tasted like skin.

inside text:
happy birthday

tastes like skin.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

insects

outside text:
this morning i woke up and wished you special birthday wishes. then I went back to sleep and dreamt about my insects.

inside text:
happy birthday

insects.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

bathing suits

outside text:
sometimes when you're not around and i really miss you i put on your lipstick and sniff your bathing suits.

inside text:
blank

bathing suits.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

icing on calves

outside text:
i want to spread icing all over your calves and then wipe it off really sexually.

inside text:
blank

icing on calves.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

throw up on my legs

outside text:
i love you so much i want to throw up all over my legs.

inside text:
blank

throw up on my legs.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

ripped off your face

outside text:
you're so beautiful i want to rip off your face and nail it to my wall so i can look at you whenever i want.

inside text:
blank

ripped off your face.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

goose bumps

outside text:
you give me bumps. sort of like goose bumps, but a little more big.

inside text:
blank

goose bumps.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

suck on my neck

outside text:
i love the way you suck on my neck and how your breath smells after you eat turkey burgers.

inside text:
blank

suck on my neck.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

big fat crooked back

outside text:
sometimes i fantasize about spending time with you in my backyard, grilling salmon steaks, and giggling about my big fat crooked back.

inside text:
blank

big fat crooked back.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

giant neck

outside text:
you're so special i want to make pudding and smear it all over your giant neck.

inside text:
blank

giant neck.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

sweaty and wobbly

outside text:
sometimes when i look at you i get all sweaty and wobbly, like a wet cookie teetering on the edge of a table.

inside text:
blank

sweaty and wobbly.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

margarine gums

outside text:
sometimes i love you so much i want to cry and rub margarine all over my gums.

inside text:
blank

margarine gums.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

warm and sticky

outside text:
you make me feel warm and sticky. like i'm in a cocoon or something.

inside text:
blank

warm and sticky.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

idiot scientist jerk

outside text:
i'm so glad i'mfriends with youand not some idiot scientist jerk named sandra.

inside text:
blank

idiot scientist jerk.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

sick instead

outside text:
i wish rather than you being sick we could make all the birds in the world sick instead.

inside text:
feel better

sick instead.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

one of my meatballs

outside text:
it brings me such joy to see everyone sharing in the holiday spirit. just yesterday i almost gave a homeless man one of my meatballs.

inside text:
happy holidays

one of my meatballs.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart

turkey and tarts

outside text:
i love the holidays but also i hate them. i love eating turkey and tarts but i hate making myself throw them up afterwards.

inside text:
happy holidays

turkey and tarts.
$1.99

enlarge add to cart