best sellers

best sellers

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marshmallow

outside text:
your new baby is so soft and tender i bet it grows up to be a marshmallow.

inside text:
congratulations

marshmallow.
$3.25

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warm and fuzzy

outside text:
may your new baby make you feel warm and fuzzy like a bumble bee baking in an oven.

inside text:
congratulations

warm and fuzzy.
$3.25

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sell it for lots of money

outside text:
you're so lucky you have such a cute baby. if you'reever strapped for cash, you could probably sell it for lots of money.

inside text:
congratulations

sell it for lots of money.
$3.25

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under qualified

outside text:
today marks the day you graduate and begin your path towards greatness.just be sure to take it one step at a time. you're pretty under- qualified.

inside text:
congratulations

under qualified.
$3.25

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probably not

outside text:
just thinking about how much joy your baby will bring you makes me want to have a baby soon too. but probably not.

inside text:
congratulations

probably not.
$3.25

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dangerous wizards

outside text:
soon you'll feel much better and we'll laugh and sing and pretend we're dangerous wizards. or at least i will.

inside text:
feel better

dangerous wizards.
$3.25

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you're welcome

outside text:
you're welcome

inside text:
thank you for thanking me with your thank you card

you're welcome.
$3.25

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not from future

outside text:
it's days like these i realize maybe i'm not from the future. if i was, i would have known you were getting sick and I could have done something to save you.

inside text:
feel better

not from future.
$3.25

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gorgeous

outside text:
out of all my friends, you have the most gorgeous baby ever. you should know though, most of my friends are really ugly.

inside text:
congratulations

gorgeous.
$3.25

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waste my wish

outside text:
if i was granted one wish, i'd wish for you to feel better. actually, never mind. i can't waste my one wish on you.

inside text:
feel better

waste my wish.
$3.25

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tender nipples

outside text:
i was so excited when i heard you were pregnant. it's almost like i'm having a baby too, but without the stretch marks and tender nipples.

inside text:
congratulations

tender nipples.
$3.25

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second happiest

outside text:
wishing you the happiest hanukkah ever. well, second happiest. i already promised the first happiest to someone else.

inside text:
happy hanukkah

second happiest.
$2.25

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hate halloween cards

outside text:
more than anything i hate halloween cards. especially halloween cards with pictures of scary looking pumpkins on them.

inside text:
happy halloween

hate halloween cards.
$2.25

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so stupid

outside text:
i think it's so stupid that i'm giving you a card for thanksgiving. but i almost think you're even stupider for taking it.

inside text:
happy thanksgiving

so stupid.
$3.25

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pilgrims

outside text:
this thanksgiving we should be thankful for the pilgrims. i mean, they did a lot of stuff for us like invent stuff and find stuff.

inside text:
happy thanksgiving

pilgrims.
$3.25

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Membership

outside text:
uncooked animated card subscription

inside text:

Membership.
$8.99

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such great parents

outside text:
you're gonna be such great parents, your child is going to adore you. or who knows, maybe it won't. maybe it'll think you're both really irritating.

inside text:
congratulations

such great parents.
$3.25

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as soon as it grows ears

outside text:
your baby has no idea how lucky it is to have the both of you. as soon as it grows ears, i'm going to tell it that.

inside text:
congratulations

as soon as it grows ears.
$3.25

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always be my superhero

outside text:
you might not be able to fly or shoot lasers out of your eyes and you would probably lose in a fight but to me, you'll always be my superhero.

inside text:
happy father's day

always be my superhero.
$3.25

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you're welcome 6 pack

outside text:
you're welcome

inside text:
thank you for thanking me with your thank you card

you're welcome 6 pack.
$8.00

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time machine

outside text:
if i had a time machine, i'd go back in time and take back what i did. then again, if i had a time machine i'd be rich and i wouldn't need you anyway.

inside text:
sorry

time machine.
$3.25

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i'm busy

outside text:
i can't tell you how thankful i am to you. i mean, i can but i can't right now. i'm busy.

inside text:
thank you

i'm busy.
$3.25

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basically a sexpot

outside text:
if you're ever wondering if you're a good mom, take a look at me. i have a great job, a ton of friends and i'm basically a sexpot.

inside text:
happy mother's
day

basically a sexpot.
$3.25

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my stupid notebook

outside text:
if you like notebooks but hate how stupid they look, this one's for you! cover printed on thick bright white matte cover stock, 6x8 in size, 150 inner lined pages and spiral bound to perfection!

inside text:

my stupid notebook.
$14.00

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a little creepy

outside text:
i'm so excited for you and not at all jealous. okay, i'm a little jealous but not in a creepy way. okay fine, it's a little creepy.

inside text:
congratulations

a little creepy.
$3.25

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a little creepy

outside text:
i'm so excited for you and not at all jealous. okay, i'm a little jealous but not in a creepy way. okay fine, it's a little creepy.

inside text:
congratulations

a little creepy.
$3.25

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new babies

outside text:
new babies are the best thing ever. i know because i was once a baby and everyone told me how great i was.

inside text:
congratulations

new babies.
$3.25

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harder to find

outside text:
amazing dads like you are harder to find than whatever the hardest thing to find is.

inside text:
happy father's day

harder to find.
$3.25

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told you

outside text:
you have no idea what a good mother you are. although, you probably have some idea, since i just told you.

inside text:
happy mother's day

told you.
$3.25

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i wanted to say thanks

outside text:
i just wanted to say thanks. so, thanks. okay stop reading this. i said what i wanted to say.

inside text:
thank you

i wanted to say thanks.
$3.25

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perfect family 8 pack

outside text:
seasons greetings from my beautiful, talented, perfect family.

inside text:
happy holidays

perfect family 8 pack.
$12.00

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buns of steel 8 pack

outside text:
the holidays are great because you get to ask santa for anything. this year, i'm asking him for new gloves and buns of steel.

inside text:
happy holidays

buns of steel 8 pack.
$12.00

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ugly tree 8 pack

outside text:
finally, a holiday card that isn't a picture of someone's creepy family gathered around their ugly tree.

inside text:
happy holidays

ugly tree 8 pack.
$12.00

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big pink face 8 pack

outside text:
sometimes i wish santa was real so i could hold him down and fart all over his big pink face.

inside text:
happy holidays

big pink face 8 pack.
$12.00

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old and stinky

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

old and stinky.
$4.50

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re-gift it

outside text:
thank you for the generous gift. i can't wait to re-gift it so someone thinks i am just as thoughtful as you.

inside text:
thank you

re-gift it.
$3.25

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alien moms

outside text:
i don't know what the alien moms are like in outer space but on this planet you're the best there is.

inside text:
happy mother's day

alien moms.
$3.25

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beat you up

outside text:
you're such a great dad i bet all the other dads can't stand you and want to beat you up.

inside text:
happy father's day

beat you up.
$3.25

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waste of time 8 pack

outside text:
i wish the tradition of sending out holiday cards would just go away already. i mean, this is just a ridiculous waste of time.

inside text:
happy holidays

waste of time 8 pack.
$12.00

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don't die

outside text:
an innovative way to not die. this notepad is 60 pages, printed on bright white paper and comes individually shrink wrapped.

inside text:

don't die.
$7.00

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rocket wall art

outside text:
11x14, printed on 100# cover stock. a perfect addition for the office, home or classroom! unframed and shipped flat.

inside text:
n/a

rocket wall art.
$15.00

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wonderful holiday 8 pack

outside text:
you're going to have a wonderful holiday full of love and laughter. and i'm going to be right outside your window, watching every second of it.

inside text:
happy holidays

wonderful holiday 8 pack.
$12.00

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while i have you 8 pack

outside text:
happy holidays to you and your family. and while i have you, happy new year, birthday, and anniversary.

inside text:
happy holidays

while i have you 8 pack.
$12.00

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watching you right now

outside text:
just because i don't see you every day doesn't mean i don't think about you every day. besides, maybe i do see you. maybe i'm watching you right now.

inside text:
thinking of you

watching you right now.
$4.00

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complete denial

outside text:
here's to another year of being in complete denial of how old you actually are

inside text:
happy birthday

complete denial.
$3.25

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complete denial

outside text:
here's to another year of being in complete denial of how old you actually are

inside text:
happy birthday

complete denial.
$3.25

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big warm hugs

outside text:
sending big warm uncomfortably long birthday hugs your way

inside text:
happy birthday

big warm hugs.
$3.25

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let's party

outside text:
one day we'll have long saggy breasteses. until then let's party

inside text:
happy birthday

let's party.
$3.25

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our underwear

outside text:
the older we get the bigger our underwear gets

inside text:
happy birthday

our underwear.
$3.25

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your stupid

outside text:
here's your stupid birthday card

inside text:
happy birthday

your stupid.
$3.25

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looked better

outside text:
it's your birthday and quite honestly you've never looked better. well, obviously you looked better a few years ago but what can you do.

inside text:
happy birthday

looked better.
$3.25

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celebrating

outside text:
i'm not going to let anything get in the way of us celebrating your birthday. well, unless i get diarrhea. then i won't be celebrating anything.

inside text:
happy birthday

celebrating.
$3.25

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remembering

outside text:
just when i thought i couldn't be any more thoughtful i surprise myself by remembering your birthday

inside text:
happy birthday

remembering.
$3.25

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about you

outside text:
when i'm not thinking about you i'm thinking about when i'm going to start thinking about you again

inside text:
thinking of you

about you.
$3.25

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my pocket

outside text:
i wish you were a lot smaller so i could fit you in my pocket and carry you around wherever i want

inside text:
blank

my pocket.
$3.25

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weird world

outside text:
you're my favorite human being in this whole wide weird world

inside text:
blank

weird world.
$3.25

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without you

outside text:
i'm pretty sure that without you, i'd probably be unable to breathe and just like, die.

inside text:
blank

without you.
$3.25

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courage

outside text:
i'm so glad you had the courage to ask out the prettiest person in the world

inside text:
blank

courage.
$3.25

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you're perfect

outside text:
it's so obvious everyone wants to be me. not because i'm so breathtaking but because i have you. and you're perfect.

inside text:
blank

you're perfect.
$3.25

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every day

outside text:
every day i fall in love with you more and more. well, not every day. yesterday you were pretty annoying.

inside text:
blank

every day.
$3.25

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stop eating

outside text:
i'd die without your friendship. or at least stop eating for like a day.

inside text:
blank

stop eating.
$3.25

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judgemental

outside text:
you're the only person i can be my real judgemental superficial self with.

inside text:
blank

judgemental.
$3.25

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prettier

outside text:
i love that we don't let things like the fact that i'm prettier or funnier get in the way of our perfect friendship.

inside text:
blank

prettier.
$3.25

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old and fat

outside text:
i always knew you were going to find the perfect person to grow old and fat with.

inside text:
congratulations

old and fat.
$3.25

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jealous

outside text:
i'm 94% happy for you and only 6% totally insanely jealous.

inside text:
congratulations

jealous.
$3.25

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choosing you

outside text:
choosing you was the best choice i ever choosed.

inside text:
happy anniversary

choosing you.
$3.25

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over here

outside text:
you're all the way over there. and i'm all the way over here. and i just wish we could be all over the way somewhere together.

inside text:
miss you

over here.
$3.25

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pop off

outside text:
next time i see you i'm gonna hug you so tight your head's gonna pop off.

inside text:
miss you

pop off.
$3.25

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tis the season

outside text:
tis the season to start annoying the crap out of everyone by saying tis the season.

inside text:
happy holidays

tis the season.
$2.25

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everest

outside text:
wishing you the warmest happiest brightest peacefullest holidayest everest.

inside text:
happy holidays

everest.
$2.25

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enchiladas

outside text:
joy hope peace enchiladas.

inside text:
happy holidays

enchiladas.
$2.25

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gone

outside text:
sorry all the good valentine's day cards were gone. this was all that was left.

inside text:
happy valentine's day

gone.
$3.25

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enhiladas 8 pack

outside text:
JOY HOPE PEACE ENCHILADAS

inside text:
happy holidays

enhiladas 8 pack.
$12.00

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bored or tired of you

outside text:
it's our anniversary and i'm so happy i'm not bored or tired of you. i thought for sure by now i would be.

inside text:
happy anniversary

bored or tired of you.
$3.25

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listen to my gut

outside text:
i have to admit, the day we got married i had my doubts. but after all these years together i'm sure glad i didn't listen to my gut.

inside text:
happy anniversary

listen to my gut.
$3.25

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ruin their life

outside text:
if someone tried to ruin your birthday, i'd ruin their life.

inside text:
happy birthday

ruin their life.
$3.25

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booze or smack

outside text:
i'm so glad you found happiness in another person and not other things like booze or smack.

inside text:
congratulations

booze or smack.
$3.25

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eating ice cream alone

outside text:
i'm so happy you're getting married i'm not even jealous. except for at night when i'm in my closet eating ice cream. alone.

inside text:
congratulations

eating ice cream alone.
$3.25

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huge mistake

outside text:
even if i thought you were making a huge mistake by getting married i wouldn't even tell you. that's how happy i am for you.

inside text:
congratulations

huge mistake.
$3.25

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jam dried fruit

outside text:
i'd rather jam dried fruit into my eye sockets than have you stay mad at me.

inside text:
sorry

jam dried fruit.
$3.25

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literally, i'll stab you

outside text:
it's valentine's day and i'm so happy we're together. but if you ever leave me i'll kill you. like, literally, i'll stab you.

inside text:
happy valentine's day

literally, i'll stab you.
$3.25

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little pieces of candy

outside text:
sometimes i think that instead of being a person, you should be cut up into little pieces of heart shaped candy. that's how sweet and tasty you are.

inside text:
happy valentine's
day

little pieces of candy.
$3.25

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not like i have a choice

outside text:
today's our anniversary and there's nobody i'd rather spend the day with than you. besides, it's not like i have a choice.

inside text:
happy anniversary

not like i have a choice.
$3.25

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tight buttocks

outside text:
the worst part about not getting to see you everyday is you not getting to see me. between my elegant haircut and tight buttocks, i'm practically perfect.

inside text:
miss you

tight buttocks.
$3.25

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no idea how happy

outside text:
you have no idea how happy i am that you're getting married. and since i'm never going to tell you, you're literally never going to know.

inside text:
congratulations

no idea how happy.
$3.25

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even more than you

outside text:
before you, i used to hate valentine's day. but now that we're together, i love it more than anything. even more than you.

inside text:
happy valentine's
day

even more than you.
$3.25

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easy

outside text:
you must be so excited you're getting married and that you found true love. maybe if i wasn't so easy, i could get married too.

inside text:
congratulations

easy.
$3.25

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always thinking of you

outside text:
no matter where i am or what i'm doing i'm always thinking of you. well, not always. i do have a life you know.

inside text:
thinking of you

always thinking of you.
$3.25

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best dad in the world

outside text:
it's too bad there isn't a contest for best dad in the world. i'm not saying you'd win it but i'd get a kick out of watching you try.

inside text:
happy father's
day

best dad in the world.
$3.25

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hot and heavy

outside text:
you're my valentine and i can't wait to get hot and heavy with you. i don't really know what that means but i think it means we have to neck.

inside text:
happy valentine's
day

hot and heavy.
$3.25

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watching

outside text:
just because i don't see you every day doesn't mean i don't think about you every day. besides, maybe i do see you. maybe i'm watching you right now.

inside text:
thinking of you

watching.
$3.25

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don't feel too special

outside text:
out of everyone we know, we want you to have the happiest holiday ever. don't feel too special though, we gave this card to a lot of people.

inside text:
happy holidays

don't feel too special.
$2.25

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we're not losers

outside text:
the second we heard you were getting married we leapt for joy and cried tears of happiness. just kidding, we're not losers.

inside text:
congratulations

we're not losers.
$3.25

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love blossom

outside text:
may your anniversary make your love blossom in the sunshine like a flower on a sweet summer's morn. or not.

inside text:
happy anniversary

love blossom.
$3.25

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quite the catch

outside text:
being married to you all these years has made me a better, kinder, happier person. man, if i wasn't married i'd be quite the catch.

inside text:
happy anniversary

quite the catch.
$3.25

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second cutest couple

outside text:
happy anniversary to the second most cutest couple in the world. and in case you're wondering, yes, we're the first.

inside text:
happy anniversary

second cutest couple.
$3.25

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nipples pierced

outside text:
if everyone had a mom like you, the world would be a much better place. i bet there'd be a lot less crime and hardly anyone would get their nipples pierced.

inside text:
happy mother's day

nipples pierced.
$3.25

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giving you my heart

outside text:
as my valentine's day gift to you, i'm giving you my heart. as in my real heart. i've scheduled the operation for thursday.

inside text:
happy valentine's day

giving you my heart.
$3.25

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so screw you 8 pack

outside text:
just because we're taking the time to send you a holiday card doesn't mean we don't have anything better to do. because we do. so screw you.

inside text:
happy holidays

so screw you 8 pack.
$12.00

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white christmas
8 pack

outside text:
i hope we finally have a white christmas this year so everyone would just shut up about it already.

inside text:
happy holidays

white christmas
8 pack.

$12.00

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i'm thinking of you

outside text:
i just want you to know i'm thinking of you. at least i think i was when i sent this.

inside text:
thinking of you

i'm thinking of you.
$3.25

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a little creepy

outside text:
i'm so excited for you and not at all jealous. okay, i'm a little jealous but not in a creepy way. okay fine, it's a little creepy.

inside text:
congratulations

a little creepy.
$3.25

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bunch of friends

outside text:
happy birthday from all of us. and by all of us i mean me. i'm just trying to sound like i have a bunch of friends.

inside text:
happy birthday

bunch of friends.
$3.25

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any more thoughtful

outside text:
just when i thought i couldn't be any more thoughtful, i surprise myself by remembering your birthday.

inside text:
happy birthday

any more thoughtful.
$3.25

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old and stinky

outside text:
just knowing we're going to grow old and stinky together makes me feel so warm and happy inside.

inside text:
blank

old and stinky.
$3.25

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better place

outside text:
it's people like you that make this world a better place. well, you and those recycling bin thingies.

inside text:
blank

better place.
$3.25

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stinks like pickles

outside text:
it really stinks not seeing you whenever i want. it stinks like pickles.

inside text:
miss you

stinks like pickles.
$3.25

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birthday king

outside text:
today you are the birthday king. tomorrow you go back to being, well, you.

inside text:
happy birthday

birthday king.
$3.25

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wished wishes

outside text:
wishing you so many birthday wishes you'll wish i never wished you any wishes in the first place.

inside text:
happy birthday

wished wishes.
$3.25

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other things

outside text:
all i want at the end of every day is you. and maybe a few other things.

inside text:
blank inside

other things.
$3.25

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you big weirdo

outside text:
if you knew how much i thought about you, you'd be like alright, that's enough, stop thinking about me you big weirdo.

inside text:
thinking of you

you big weirdo.
$3.25

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stinky knees

outside text:
i miss your giant face. and your long neck. and your knobby elbows. and your pointy ankles. and your stinky knees.

inside text:
miss you

stinky knees.
$3.25

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better place

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

better place.
$4.50

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favorite day

outside text:
your birthday is my favorite day of the year. right after my birthday, thanksgiving, halloween and christmas. oh, and labor day.

inside text:
happy birthday

favorite day.
$3.25

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little pinky toe

outside text:
in my eyes you're perfect. from your big round head all the way down to your weird little pinky toe.

inside text:
blank

little pinky toe.
$3.25

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always been you

outside text:
it was always you. well, not always you. but for like, the past few years its been you.

inside text:
happy anniversary

always been you.
$3.25

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the happiest

outside text:
thinking of you makes me happy. thinking of myself makes me happier. thinking of us makes me the happiest.

inside text:
thinking of you

the happiest.
$3.25

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drawers and drawers

outside text:
if i had a fork for every time i thought of you, i'd have drawers and drawers and drawers of forks.

inside text:
thinking of you

drawers and drawers.
$3.25

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giant jerk face

outside text:
anyone who thinks their mom is better than my mom is just a big giant jerk face.

inside text:
blank

giant jerk face.
$3.25

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oldest friend

outside text:
happy birthday to my oldest friend in the world. no, like literally, you're the oldest friend i have.

inside text:
happy birthday

oldest friend.
$3.25

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little child 8 pack

outside text:
i love how the holidays bring out the stupid, excited little child in you.

inside text:
happy holidays

little child 8 pack.
$12.00

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don't get fired

outside text:
a cutting edge way to not get fired. this notepad is 60 pages, printed on bright white paper and comes individually shrink wrapped.

inside text:

don't get fired.
$7.00

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mountain wall art

outside text:
11x14, printed on 100# cover stock. a perfect addition for the office, home or classroom! unframed and shipped flat.

inside text:
n/a

mountain wall art.
$15.00

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while i have you

outside text:
happy holidays to you and your family. and while i have you, happy new year, birthday, and anniversary.

inside text:
happy holidays

while i have you.
$2.25

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you were annoying

outside text:
every day i fall in love with you more and more. well, not every day. yesterday you were pretty annoying.

inside text:
blank

you were annoying.
$4.00

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their tongues

outside text:
i bet when people see us kissing in public they wish they were us and that our tongues were their tongues.

inside text:
blank

their tongues.
$3.25

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kiss you

outside text:
if i could wake up every morning and kiss you all over i would. i just can't because i don't really have that kind of time to waste in the morning.

inside text:
blank

kiss you.
$3.25

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fart

outside text:
all i've ever wanted was a friend i could fart around. so, thank you.

inside text:
blank

fart.
$2.50

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birthday hugs

outside text:
sending big warm uncomfortably long birthday hugs your way

inside text:
happy birthday

birthday hugs.
$3.25

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everest 8 pack

outside text:
wishing you the warmest happiest brightest peacefullest holidayest everest.

inside text:
happy holidays

everest 8 pack.
$12.00

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don't even know it

outside text:
i'm so thankful to you you don't even know it. and even if you thought you knew it, you don't. so there.

inside text:
thank you

don't even know it.
$3.25

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if there's room

outside text:
dad i promise that when you get old and gross i won't put you in one of those smelly nursing homes. i'll let you come live with me. if there's room.

inside text:
happy father's
day

if there's room.
$3.25

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fishing

outside text:
even though you weren't the kind of dad to take me fishing, you showed me love in other ways. fishing would have been fun though.

inside text:
happy father's
day

fishing.
$3.25

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never looked better

outside text:
it's your birthday and quite honestly, you've never looked better. well, obviously you looked better a few years ago but what can you do.

inside text:
happy birthday

never looked better.
$3.25

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family

outside text:
this probably isn't going to happen considering your family but we hope you have a wonderful, joyous holiday season.

inside text:
happy holidays

family.
$2.25

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family
8 pack

outside text:
this probably isn't going to happen considering your family but we hope you have a wonderful, joyous holiday season.

inside text:
happy holidays

family
8 pack.

$12.00

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perfect friendship

outside text:
i love that we don't let things like the fact that i'm prettier or funnier get in the way of our perfect friendship.

inside text:
blank

perfect friendship.
$3.25

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my steamy scandalous thoughts

outside text:
sometimes thoughts about things can be super steamy, and you need a secret place to write them down. cover printed on thick bright white matte cover stock, 6x8 in size, 150 inner lined pages and spiral bound to perfection!

inside text:

my steamy scandalous thoughts.
$14.00

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really stupid

outside text:
i don't care what we're doing as long as we're doing it together. even if the things you like to do are really stupid.

inside text:
blank

really stupid.
$3.25

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peas in a pod

outside text:
you and i are like two peas in a pod, only we're not peas and i'm not really sure what a pod is.

inside text:
blank

peas in a pod.
$3.25

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transport yourself

outside text:
i wish you were smarter so that you could invent a transporter and transport yourself over to me whenever we wanted.

inside text:
miss you

transport yourself.
$3.25

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however old

outside text:
happy however old you're telling people you are today.

inside text:
happy birthday

however old.
$3.25

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met them yet

outside text:
there's nobody i'd rather be with than you. or who knows, maybe there is and i just haven't met them yet.

inside text:
blank inside

met them yet.
$3.25

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other things

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

other things.
$4.50

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wishing you

outside text:
wishing you a day that's as unforgettable as I am.

inside text:
happy birthday

wishing you.
$3.25

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don't drink your face off

outside text:
a technologically advanced way to not drink your face off. this notepad is 60 pages, printed on bright white paper and comes individually shrink wrapped.

inside text:

don't drink your face off.
$7.00

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flower wall art

outside text:
11x14, printed on 100# cover stock. a perfect addition for the office, home or classroom! unframed and shipped flat.

inside text:
n/a

flower wall art.
$15.00

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wonderful holiday

outside text:
you're going to have a wonderful holiday full of love and laughter. and i'm going to be right outside your window, watching every second of it.

inside text:
happy holidays

wonderful holiday.
$2.25

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ruin their life

outside text:
if someone tried to ruin your birthday i'd ruin their life.

inside text:
happy birthday

ruin their life.
$4.00

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each other

outside text:
i love that we still love each other and that we haven't gotten divorced yet.

inside text:
blank

each other.
$3.25

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let's party

outside text:
one day we'll have long saggy breasteses. until then let's party

inside text:
happy birthday

let's party.
$3.25

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tis the season 8 pack

outside text:
tis the season to start annoying the crap out of everyone by saying tis the season.

inside text:
happy holidays

tis the season 8 pack.
$12.00

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cheaping out on me

outside text:
thank you so much for my lovely gift and for not cheaping out on me like some other people i know.

inside text:
thank you

cheaping out on me.
$3.25

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pear like body

outside text:
you're such a great dad i don't even care that i inherited your short, pear-like body features. well, actually i do but today's not the day to make you feel bad about it.

inside text:
happy father's
day

pear like body.
$3.25

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think i'm kidding

outside text:
you have no idea how thankful i am to you. and if you think i'm kidding, well then, maybe i am.

inside text:
thank you

think i'm kidding.
$3.25

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unless i get diarrhea

outside text:
i'm not going to let anything get in the way of us celebrating your birthday. well, unless i get diarrhea. then i won't be celebrating anything.

inside text:
happy birthday

unless i get diarrhea.
$3.25

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i'm so breathtaking

outside text:
it's so obvious everyone wants to be me. not because i'm so breathtaking but because i have you. and you're perfect.

inside text:
blank

i'm so breathtaking.
$3.25

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hate your house
8 pack

outside text:
if i was santa i'd probably skip your house this year. not because you've been bad or anything. i just hate your house.

inside text:
happy holidays

hate your house
8 pack.

$12.00

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you were annoying

outside text:
every day i fall in love with you more and more. well, not every day. yesterday you were pretty annoying.

inside text:
blank inside

you were annoying.
$2.50

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another year older

outside text:
another year older and another year wiser. well, maybe not that last part.

inside text:
happy birthday

another year older.
$3.25

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private sections

outside text:
i'm really glad your parents had sexual intercourse and made you with their private sections.

inside text:
happy birthday

private sections.
$3.25

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ugly tree

outside text:
finally, a holiday card that isn't a picture of someone's creepy family gathered around their ugly tree.

inside text:
happy holidays

ugly tree.
$2.25

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you big weirdo

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

you big weirdo.
$4.50

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knew that

outside text:
it's your birthday! you probably already knew that though.

inside text:
happy birthday

knew that.
$3.25

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loved

outside text:
i loved you from the 5th or 6th time I met you.

inside text:
blank

loved.
$3.25

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really in like

outside text:
i'm like, really, really in like with you.

inside text:
blank

really in like.
$3.25

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mashed potatoes

outside text:
we're the kind of friends that will be friends until we're old and gray and our bodies look like giant sacks of mashed potatoes sitting next to each other.

inside text:
blank

mashed potatoes.
$3.25

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don't not remember

outside text:
a groundbreaking way to not not remember. this notepad is 60 pages, printed on bright white paper and comes individually shrink wrapped.

inside text:

don't not remember.
$7.00

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footsteps wall art

outside text:
11x14, printed on 100# cover stock. a perfect addition for the office, home or classroom! unframed and shipped flat.

inside text:
n/a

footsteps wall art.
$15.00

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our underwear

outside text:
the older we get the bigger our underwear gets

inside text:
happy birthday

our underwear.
$3.25

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your stupid

outside text:
here's your stupid birthday card.

inside text:
happy birthday

your stupid.
$3.25

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rhymes with mine

outside text:
on a scale of 1-10 you're a 9. not because you're not a 10 but because 9 rhymes with mine which is what you are.

inside text:
blank

rhymes with mine.
$3.25

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bathing suits

outside text:
sometimes when you're not around and i really miss you i put on your lipstick and sniff your bathing suits.

inside text:
blank

bathing suits.
$1.99

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borrow your balm

outside text:
the best part about having you as a friend is that i can borrow your lip balm and not worry about getting herpes.

inside text:
blank

borrow your balm.
$3.25

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eat my tears

outside text:
some mornings when i really miss you i cry into my bowl of cereal and eat my tears.

inside text:
miss you

eat my tears.
$3.25

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kill list

outside text:
i was so happy when i opened the gift you got me. so happy in fact that i even scratched you off my kill list.

inside text:
thank you

kill list.
$3.25

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psychic

outside text:
either you're psychic or you've been snooping through my things but the gift you got me was exactly what i wanted.

inside text:
thank you

psychic.
$3.25

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at least i think i would

outside text:
mom i hope you know that if you ever needed a lung or kidney, i'd cut open my stomach and give you whatever organ you needed. at least i think i would.

inside text:
happy mother's
day

at least i think i would.
$3.25

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think you're a slut

outside text:
what's great about birthdays is that for one whole day, people have to be nice to you. even the people who think you're a slut because of how you dress.

inside text:
happy birthday

think you're a slut.
$3.25

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those idiots

outside text:
it drives me crazy how big this world is. those idiots should have made it smaller so we could be closer and not have to miss each other so much.

inside text:
miss you

those idiots.
$3.25

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tralier park

outside text:
the last place i would ever want to spend the holidays is in a trailer park. not because i think they're gross but because i think the people are gross.

inside text:
happy holidays

tralier park.
$2.25

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not having a forehead

outside text:
not having you would be like not having a forehead. i'd still be able to do stuff but i'd definitely feel like i was missing something.

inside text:
blank

not having a forehead.
$3.25

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don't feel too special
8 pack

outside text:
out of everyone we know, we want you to have the happiest holiday ever. don't feel too special though, we gave this card to a lot of people.

inside text:
happy holidays

don't feel too special
8 pack.

$12.00

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those feet

outside text:
let's celebrate everything about you today. well, except for maybe those feet.

inside text:
happy birthday

those feet.
$3.25

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best magnet ever

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

best magnet ever.
$4.50

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guts and stuff

outside text:
of course i love your outsides but it's your insides i'm most in love with. like your heart and soul and guts and stuff.

inside text:
blank

guts and stuff.
$3.25

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rainbow wall art

outside text:
11x14, printed on 100# cover stock. a perfect addition for the office, home or classroom! unframed and shipped flat.

inside text:
n/a

rainbow wall art.
$15.00

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icing on calves

outside text:
i want to spread icing all over your calves and then wipe it off really sexually.

inside text:
blank

icing on calves.
$1.99

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pee on myself

outside text:
not that i do weird things like bleach my lip hair or pee on myself in the shower but if i did you're the only person i would tell.

inside text:
blank

pee on myself.
$3.25

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together forever

outside text:
from the moment we met i knew we were going to be together forever. at least we better be. i've already started to let myself go a little.

inside text:
blank

together forever.
$3.25

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i'll cut you
8 pack

outside text:
wishing you a very merry christmas from me and santa. and if you tell anyone i still believe in santa, i�ll cut you.

inside text:
happy holidays

i'll cut you
8 pack.

$12.00

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soulmates

outside text:
if there's one thing i'm sure of it's that you and i are soul mates. i mean, obviously i can't prove it or anything but whatever, neither can you.

inside text:
blank

soulmates.
$3.25

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monkey arms

outside text:
it's days like these i wish i had long monkey arms like you. that way whenever we missed each other we could just stick out our arms and practically touch.

inside text:
miss you

monkey arms.
$3.25

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shaped like an egg

outside text:
it's been so long, i can barely remember what you look like. all i remember is that your eyes are really crooked and that your head is kind of shaped like an egg.

inside text:
miss you

shaped like an egg.
$3.25

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perfect family

outside text:
seasons greetings from my beautiful, talented, perfect family.

inside text:
happy holidays

perfect family.
$2.25

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older and fatter

outside text:
i'm willing to pretend we're not getting older and fatter if you are.

inside text:
happy birthday

older and fatter.
$3.25

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life without you

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

life without you.
$4.50

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i have you

outside text:
as you know i love everything about myself. but what i love most about myself is that i have you.

inside text:
blank

i have you.
$3.25

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looked better

outside text:
it's your birthday and quite honestly you've never looked better. well, obviously you looked better a few years ago but what can you do.

inside text:
happy birthday

looked better.
$3.25

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already dead

outside text:
i know you don't like celebrating birthdays but at least you still can. most people your age are already dead.

inside text:
happy birthday

already dead.
$3.25

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throw up on my legs

outside text:
i love you so much i want to throw up all over my legs.

inside text:
blank

throw up on my legs.
$1.99

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best frencher ever

outside text:
of all the people i've frenched, you're definitely the best frencher ever. and trust me, i've frenched a lot of people.

inside text:
blank

best frencher ever.
$3.25

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that's not true
8 pack

outside text:
nothing makes us happier than to watch people share in the holiday spirit. actually, that's not true.

inside text:
happy holidays

that's not true
8 pack.

$12.00

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grow up to be famous

outside text:
i'm so amazed we're still such great friends. i always thought i'd grow up to be famous and forget about all the little people, like you.

inside text:
blank

grow up to be famous.
$3.25

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i'll cut you

outside text:
wishing you a very merry christmas from me and santa. and if you tell anyone i still believe in santa, i'll cut you.

inside text:
happy holidays

i'll cut you.
$2.25

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your stupid birthday

outside text:
i can't wait for your stupid birthday to be over so we can start celebrating the only birthday that really matters, mine.

inside text:
happy birthday

your stupid birthday.
$3.25

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life without you

outside text:
without you life would suck even more than it already does with you.

inside text:
blank

life without you.
$3.25

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pee on myself

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

pee on myself.
$4.50

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giant jerk face

outside text:
anyone who thinks their mom is better than my mom is just a big giant jerk face.

inside text:
blank

giant jerk face.
$3.25

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celebrating

outside text:
i'm not going to let anything get in the way of us celebrating your birthday. well, unless i get diarrhea. then i won't be celebrating anything.

inside text:
happy birthday

celebrating.
$3.25

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needle

outside text:
if i had a big enough needle, i'd stitch our skin together while you were asleep so that when you woke up, we were like one person. one big happy deformed person.

inside text:
blank

needle.
$3.25

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trailer park
8 pack

outside text:
the last place i would ever want to spend the holidays is in a trailer park. not because i think they're gross but because i think the people are gross.

inside text:
happy holidays

trailer park
8 pack.

$12.00

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so screw you

outside text:
just because we're taking the time to send you a holiday card doesn't mean we don't have anything better to do. because we do. so screw you.

inside text:
happy holidays

so screw you.
$2.25

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big face

outside text:
i hope your big birthday brings a big smile to your big face.

inside text:
happy birthday

big face.
$3.25

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flying cars

outside text:
i can't wait to spend my future with you. sure, it'll be scary with all the robots and flying cars everywhere, but at least we'll be together.

inside text:
blank

flying cars.
$3.25

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borrow your balm

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

borrow your balm.
$4.50

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pretty close

outside text:
i've been searching my whole life for the perfect friendship. i still haven't found it yet but what we have is pretty close.

inside text:
blank

pretty close.
$3.25

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remembering

outside text:
just when i thought i couldn't be any more thoughtful i surprise myself by remembering your birthday

inside text:
happy birthday

remembering.
$3.25

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real arms

outside text:
i'm so glad i have real arms and not those tiny pink plastic ones. this way i can hug you real tight and not have to worry about them popping off.

inside text:
blank

real arms.
$3.25

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gingerbread men
8 pack

outside text:
a lot of people probably wouldn't eat gingerbread men if the gingerbread men yelped when you ate them.

inside text:
happy holidays

gingerbread men
8 pack.

$12.00

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younger

outside text:
i can't think of anyone who gets younger looking with age than you. oh wait, nevermind. i just thought of someone.

inside text:
happy birthday

younger.
$3.25

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always thinking of you

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

always thinking of you.
$4.50

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you were annoying

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

you were annoying.
$4.50

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white christmas

outside text:
i hope we finally have a white christmas this year so everyone would just shut up about it already.

inside text:
happy holidays

white christmas.
$2.25

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kind of person

outside text:
you're the kind of person that everyone wishes they were married to instead of the person that they're actually married to.

inside text:
happy anniversary

kind of person.
$3.25

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when i ask

outside text:
thank you for your friendship and your kindness and for lending me money next month when i ask.

inside text:
blank

when i ask.
$3.25

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people in jail

outside text:
i hope you have a great birthday and get to do all the fun things people in jail wish they could do.

inside text:
happy birthday

people in jail.
$3.25

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suck on my neck

outside text:
i love the way you suck on my neck and how your breath smells after you eat turkey burgers.

inside text:
blank

suck on my neck.
$1.99

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botox injections

outside text:
i can't wait to grow old with you and do fun things like read books and get botox injections.

inside text:
blank

botox injections.
$3.25

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prostitutes
8 pack

outside text:
snowflakes probably wouldn't be as lovely if they were shaped like prostitutes.

inside text:
happy holidays

prostitutes
8 pack.

$12.00

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perfect friendship

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

perfect friendship.
$4.50

enlarge add to cart

not having a forehead

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

not having a forehead.
$4.50

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ten years older

outside text:
if it makes you feel any better, you look exactly like you did ten years ago, just ten years older.

inside text:
happy birthday

ten years older.
$3.25

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buns of steel

outside text:
the holidays are great because you get to ask santa for anything. this year, i'm asking him for new gloves and buns of steel.

inside text:
happy holidays

buns of steel.
$2.25

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bet we were sisters

outside text:
we're so alike, i bet we were sisters in another life. and i was the more talented one.

inside text:
blank inside

bet we were sisters.
$3.25

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my pocket

outside text:
i wish you were a lot smaller so i could fit you in my pocket and carry you around wherever i want

inside text:
blank

my pocket.
$3.25

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eat pie and swear

outside text:
today's yourbirthday and we should do special birthdaythings like eat pie and swear.

inside text:
happy birthday

eat pie and swear.
$3.25

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yellow snow
8 pack

outside text:
maybe all that yellow snow is just snow drenched in butter.

inside text:
happy holidays

yellow snow
8 pack.

$12.00

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i'm so breathtaking

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

i'm so breathtaking.
$4.50

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your stupid birthday card

outside text:
here's your stupid birthday card.

inside text:
happy birthday

your stupid birthday card.
$3.25

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can't remember

outside text:
i've learned so much from our friendship over the years. just don't ask me what because i can't remember.

inside text:
blank

can't remember.
$3.25

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waste of time

outside text:
i wish the tradition of sending out holiday cards would just go away already. i mean, this is just a ridiculous waste of time.

inside text:
happy holidays

waste of time.
$2.25

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weird world

outside text:
you're my favorite human being in this whole wide weird world

inside text:
blank

weird world.
$3.25

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breast implants

outside text:
birthdays are great because you get to wish for things like breast implants and world peace.

inside text:
happy birthday

breast implants.
$3.25

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big lamewad

outside text:
anyone who doesn't wish you a happy birthday is just a big lamewad and i hate them.

inside text:
happy birthday

big lamewad.
$3.25

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burnt off tongue skin
8 pack

outside text:
we hope your holidays are sweet and merry and you don't burn your tongue on a cup of hot cocoa and then choke to death on your burnt off tongue skin.

inside text:
happy holidays

burnt off tongue skin
8 pack.

$12.00

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be models together

outside text:
you and i make such a cute couple i bet we could be models. or at least i could be one. you probably wouldn't make it very far with those teeth of yours.

inside text:
blank

be models together.
$3.25

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best birthday

outside text:
this birthday is going to be your best birthday ever. but what do i know, i said that last year and your birthday kind of sucked.

inside text:
happy birthday

best birthday.
$3.25

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so busy and popular

outside text:
i can't believe i remembered your birthday. i've just been so busy and popular lately, i'm surprised i remembered you at all.

inside text:
happy birthday

so busy and popular.
$3.25

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lost without you

outside text:
i'd be so lost without you. no, like literally, i'd probably be lost in the woods or something.

inside text:
blank inside

lost without you.
$3.25

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big pink face

outside text:
sometimes i wish santa was real so i could hold him down and fart all over his big pink face.

inside text:
happy holidays

big pink face.
$2.25

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without you

outside text:
i'm pretty sure that without you, i'd probably be unable to breathe and just like, die.

inside text:
blank

without you.
$3.25

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sorcerer

outside text:
it's your birthday and i want you to be happy all day. that's why i'm not going to tell you about the sorcerer who lives in my pocket and hates your guts.

inside text:
happy birthday

sorcerer.
$3.25

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sweaty and wobbly

outside text:
sometimes when i look at you i get all sweaty and wobbly, like a wet cookie teetering on the edge of a table.

inside text:
blank

sweaty and wobbly.
$1.99

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feet like salami

outside text:
so what if you're not very athletic and your feet kind of smell like salami. you're still the best thing ever and i wouldn't trade you for nothing.

inside text:
blank

feet like salami.
$3.25

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one of my meatballs
8 pack

outside text:
it brings me such joy to see everyone sharing in the holiday spirit. just yesterday i almost gave a homeless man one of my meatballs.

inside text:
happy holidays

one of my meatballs
8 pack.

$12.00

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needle

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

needle.
$4.50

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enormous pupils

outside text:
good friends like you are hard to find. luckily i have enormous pupils.

inside text:
blank

enormous pupils.
$3.25

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thinking about myself

outside text:
i like thinking about you more than anything. including myself. and i really like thinking about myself.

inside text:
thinking of you

thinking about myself.
$3.25

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little child

outside text:
i love how the holidays brings out the stupid, excited little child in you.

inside text:
happy holidays

little child.
$2.25

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courage

outside text:
i'm so glad you had the courage to ask out the prettiest person in the world

inside text:
blank

courage.
$3.25

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ignoring you

outside text:
the day after your birthday is the worst day ever because it's not your birthday anymore and people go back to ignoring you. at least that's what happens to me.

inside text:
happy birthday

ignoring you.
$3.25

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gingerbread men

outside text:
a lot of people probably wouldn't eat gingerbread men if the gingerbread men yelped when you ate them.

inside text:
happy holidays

gingerbread men.
$2.25

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turkey and tarts
8 pack

outside text:
i love the holidays but also i hate them. i love eating turkey and tarts but i hate making myself throw them up afterwards.

inside text:
happy holidays
8 pack

turkey and tarts
8 pack.

$12.00

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cloned

outside text:
you're such a good person, your parents should have cloned you. even if it was really dangerous and there was a chance you could die.

inside text:
blank

cloned.
$3.25

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botox injections

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

botox injections.
$4.50

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happiest birthday ever

outside text:
i'd do anything to give you the happiest birthday ever. within reason of course. i'm not made of money.

inside text:
happy birthday

happiest birthday ever.
$3.25

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you're perfect

outside text:
it's so obvious everyone wants to be me. not because i'm so breathtaking but because i have you. and you're perfect.

inside text:
blank

you're perfect.
$3.25

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prostitutes

outside text:
snowflakes probably wouldn't be as lovely if they were shaped like prostitutes.

inside text:
happy holidays

prostitutes.
$2.25

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fell down from heaven

outside text:
sometimes i think you fell down from heaven. not just because your face is all crooked but because you're like an angel. a sweet, sweet angel.

inside text:
blank

fell down from heaven.
$3.25

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contagious diseases

outside text:
clearly you're very special to me because not once since i've been with you have i thought about any of my severely contagious diseases.

inside text:
blank

contagious diseases.
$3.25

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leave you for dead

outside text:
if i ruled the world, i'd make a rule that said everyone had to give you a birthday present. then i'd take all your presents and leave you for dead.

inside text:
happy birthday

leave you for dead.
$3.25

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best thing i've ever found

outside text:
finding you was the best thing i've ever found. and i've found a lot of stuff.

inside text:
blank

best thing i've ever found.
$3.25

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every day

outside text:
every day i fall in love with you more and more. well, not every day. yesterday you were pretty annoying.

inside text:
blank

every day.
$3.25

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warm and sticky

outside text:
you make me feel warm and sticky. like i'm in a cocoon or something.

inside text:
blank

warm and sticky.
$1.99

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that's not true

outside text:
nothing makes us happier than to watch people share in the holiday spirit. actually, that's not true.

inside text:
happy holidays

that's not true.
$2.25

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second happiest
8 pack

outside text:
wishing you the happiest hanukkah ever. well, second happiest. i already promised the first happiest to someone else.

inside text:
happy hanukkah

second happiest
8 pack.

$12.00

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lie about your weight

outside text:
sometimes i wonder if your birthday really is when you say it is or if you're lying, like you do about your weight.

inside text:
happy birthday

lie about your weight.
$3.25

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real jerk

outside text:
i would never tell you this, especially on your birthday, but when we first met i thought you were a real jerk.

inside text:
happy birthday

real jerk.
$3.25

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being with you

outside text:
being with you is so much better than being with someone that isn't you.

inside text:
blank

being with you.
$3.25

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stop eating

outside text:
i'd die without your friendship. or at least stop eating for like a day.

inside text:
blank

stop eating.
$3.25

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crapped all over me

outside text:
if i woke up and realized you crapped all over me in your sleep, i would still love you just the same.

inside text:
blank

crapped all over me.
$2.15

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idiot scientist jerk

outside text:
i'm so glad i'mfriends with youand not some idiot scientist jerk named sandra.

inside text:
blank

idiot scientist jerk.
$1.99

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yellow snow

outside text:
maybe all that yellow snow is just snow drenched in butter.

inside text:
happy holidays

yellow snow.
$2.25

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so stupid
8 pack

outside text:
i think it's so stupid that i'm giving you a card for thanksgiving. but i almost think you're even stupider for taking it.

inside text:
happy thanksgiving

so stupid
8 pack.

$12.00

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sexy birthday

outside text:
i hope you're ready to have a sexy birthday because i have all sorts of sexy things planned. for example, i'm going to push your butt cheeks together.

inside text:
happy birthday

sexy birthday.
$3.25

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most amazing person

outside text:
happy birthday to the most amazing person in the world. or maybe just in this country. the world is kind of stretching it.

inside text:
happy birthday

most amazing person.
$3.25

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i'll cut you

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

i'll cut you.
$4.50

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judgemental

outside text:
you're the only person i can be my real judgemental superficial self with.

inside text:
blank

judgemental.
$3.25

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yank off your head

outside text:
you're so cute i want to yank off your head, stick it in a jar and keep it next to my computer.

inside text:
blank

yank off your head.
$3.25

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sick instead

outside text:
i wish rather than you being sick we could make all the birds in the world sick instead.

inside text:
feel better

sick instead.
$1.99

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burnt off tongue skin

outside text:
we hope your holidays are sweet and merry and you don't burn your tongue on a cup of hot cocoa and then choke to death on your burnt off tongue skin.

inside text:
happy holidays

burnt off tongue skin.
$2.25

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big happy idiot

outside text:
i can't stand people who think they're so cool just because it's their birthday. that's why i like you. you just act like a big happy idiot all the time.

inside text:
happy birthday

big happy idiot.
$3.25

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pilgrims
8 pack

outside text:
this thanksgiving we should be thankful for the pilgrims. i mean, they did a lot of stuff for us like invent stuff and find stuff.

inside text:
happy thanksgiving

pilgrims
8 pack.

$12.00

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mad i forgot your birthday

outside text:
i'm so mad i forgot your birthday i can't even look at myself. oh who am i kidding, of course i can. i'm gorgeous.

inside text:
happy birthday

mad i forgot your birthday.
$3.25

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prostitutes

outside text:
add a blast of color and quirk to your fridge with these funny, simple, high-quality magnets. copy & illustration printed on bright white background. 2.5 x 3.5 inches wide.

inside text:

prostitutes.
$4.50

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prettier

outside text:
i love that we don't let things like the fact that i'm prettier or funnier get in the way of our perfect friendship.

inside text:
blank

prettier.
$3.25

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you were adopted

outside text:
i know you think it's your birthday today but maybe it isn't. maybe your parents just told you it was so you wouldn't find out you were adopted.

inside text:
happy birthday

you were adopted.
$3.25

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hate halloween cards
8 pack

outside text:
more than anything i hate halloween cards. especially halloween cards with pictures of scary looking pumpkins on them.

inside text:
happy halloween

hate halloween cards
8 pack.

$12.00

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hate your house

outside text:
if i was santa i'd probably skip your house this year. not because you've been bad or anything. i just hate your house.

inside text:
happy holidays

hate your house.
$2.25

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over here

outside text:
you're all the way over there. and i'm all the way over here. and i just wish we could be all over the way somewhere together.

inside text:
miss you

over here.
$3.25

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one of my meatballs

outside text:
it brings me such joy to see everyone sharing in the holiday spirit. just yesterday i almost gave a homeless man one of my meatballs.

inside text:
happy holidays

one of my meatballs.
$1.99

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pretend i'm you

outside text:
whenever it's your birthday, i pretend i'm you and that it's my birthday. in fact, whenever i do anything i pretend i'm you.

inside text:
happy birthday

pretend i'm you.
$3.25

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i'm busy 6 pack

outside text:
i can't tell you how thankful i am to you. i mean, i can but i can't right now. i'm busy.

inside text:
thank you

i'm busy 6 pack.
$10.00

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you big dummy

outside text:
if you were in a coma with no hope of waking up, i'd still buy you the best birthday present ever. not that you would be awake to appreciate it, you big dummy.

inside text:
happy birthday

you big dummy.
$3.25

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pop off

outside text:
next time i see you i'm gonna hug you so tight your head's gonna pop off.

inside text:
miss you

pop off.
$3.25

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yeast infections

outside text:
i know you hate birthdays but at least you don't have a yeast infection. yeast infections are the worst.

inside text:
happy birthday

yeast infections.
$3.25

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turkey and tarts

outside text:
i love the holidays but also i hate them. i love eating turkey and tarts but i hate making myself throw them up afterwards.

inside text:
happy holidays

turkey and tarts.
$1.99

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don't even know it
6 pack

outside text:
i'm so thankful to you you don't even know it. and even if you thought you knew it, you don't. so there.

inside text:
thank you

don't even know it
6 pack.

$10.00

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don't make a big deal

outside text:
whatever you do, don't make a big deal about your birthday or turning another year older. i know i'm not going to.

inside text:
happy birthday

don't make a big deal.
$3.25

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about you

outside text:
when i'm not thinking about you i'm thinking about when i'm going to start thinking about you again.

inside text:
thinking of you

about you.
$3.25

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burn them alive

outside text:
it makes me so mad to know there are other people out there who have the same birthday as you. so mad i want to burn them alive.

inside text:
happy birthday

burn them alive.
$3.25

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outy belly button

outside text:
i'm so relieved it's your birthday today and not mine. my outy belly button got caught in my coat zipper so i'm really not in a partying mood.

inside text:
happy birthday

outy belly button.
$3.25

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tongue

outside text:
i love being married to you and being able to stick my tongue down your throat whenever i want.

inside text:
blank

tongue.
$3.25

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think i'm kidding
6 pack

outside text:
you have no idea how thankful i am to you. and if you think i'm kidding, well then, maybe i am.

inside text:
thank you

think i'm kidding
6 pack.

$10.00

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choosed

outside text:
choosing you was the best choice i ever choosed.

inside text:
happy anniversary

choosed.
$3.25

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cleavage

outside text:
take it from me, don't bother making a birthday wish. every year i wish for more cleavage and look at me, i've got nothing.

inside text:
happy birthday

cleavage.
$3.25

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psychic
6 pack

outside text:
either you're psychic or you've been snooping through my things but the gift you got me was exactly what i wanted.

inside text:
thank you

psychic
6 pack.

$10.00

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you're really wonderful

outside text:
if only everyone had someone as wonderful as you. sure you have your flaws and you're not as smart as you think but overall, you're really wonderful.

inside text:
blank inside

you're really wonderful.
$3.25

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old and fat

outside text:
i always knew you were going to find the perfect person to grow old and fat with.

inside text:
congratulations

old and fat.
$3.25

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kill list
6 pack

outside text:
i was so happy when i opened the gift you got me. so happy in fact that i even scratched you off my kill list.

inside text:
thank you

kill list
6 pack.

$10.00

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my lips get really dry

outside text:
if i could only bring one thing to a deserted island, i'd bring you. even though my lips get really dry and i should really be bringing lip balm.

inside text:
blank inside

my lips get really dry.
$3.25

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jealous

outside text:
i'm 94% happy for you and only 6% totally insanely jealous.

inside text:
congratulations

jealous.
$3.25

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cheaping out on me
6 pack

outside text:
thank you so much for my lovely gift and for not cheaping out on me like some other people i know.

inside text:
thank you

cheaping out on me
6 pack.

$10.00

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half of me is missing

outside text:
whenever i'm not with you i feel like half of me is missing. specifically my lower half, from my urinary tract down.

inside text:
blank inside

half of me is missing.
$3.25

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tis the season

outside text:
tis the season to start annoying the crap out of everyone by saying tis the season.

inside text:
happy holidays

tis the season.
$3.25

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two birthdays

outside text:
you're so wonderful, i want to give you my birthday so you get two birthdays a year instead of one. the only thing i ask is that you give it back. like, right now.

inside text:
happy birthday

two birthdays.
$3.25

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perfect friendship
6 pack

outside text:
i love that we dont let things like the fact that im prettier or funnier get in the way of our perfect friendship.

inside text:
blank

perfect friendship
6 pack.

$10.00

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everest

outside text:
wishing you the warmest happiest brightest peacefullest holidayest everest.

inside text:
happy holidays

everest.
$3.25

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so stupid

outside text:
you should be happy you live in a country where you can celebrate your birthday with friends.i bet if you lived somewhere else people would think you were so stupid.

inside text:
happy birthday

so stupid.
$3.25

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grow up to be famous
6 pack

outside text:
i'm so amazed we're still such great friends. i always thought i'd grow up to be famous and forget about all the little people, like you.

inside text:
blank

grow up to be famous
6 pack.

$10.00

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enchiladas

outside text:
joy hope peace enchiladas.

inside text:
happy holidays

enchiladas.
$3.25

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birthday chicken

outside text:
too bad there's no such thing as birthday chicken. you like chicken more than cake.

inside text:
happy birthday

birthday chicken.
$3.25

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idiot scientist jerk
6 pack

outside text:
i'm so glad i'mfriends with youand not some idiot scientist jerk named sandra.

inside text:
blank

idiot scientist jerk
6 pack.

$10.00

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gone

outside text:
sorry all the good valentine's day cards were gone. this was all that was left.

inside text:
happy valentine's day

gone.
$3.25

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borrow your balm
6 pack

outside text:
the best part about having you as a friend is that i can borrow your lip balm and not worry about getting herpes.

inside text:
blank

borrow your balm
6 pack.

$10.00

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pee on myself
6 pack

outside text:
not that i do weird things like bleach my lip hair or pee on myself in the shower but if i did you're the only person i would tell.

inside text:
blank

pee on myself
6 pack.

$10.00

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cloned
6 pack

outside text:
you're such a good person, your parents should have cloned you. even if it was really dangerous and there was a chance you could die.

inside text:
blank

cloned
6 pack.

$10.00

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